I couldn’t stop laughing today when V referred to me as being made of “clay”. That’s of course in the very specific context he and I share but even then, that’s one description I haven’t yet heard about myself. Especially over the last few years as I have got constant feedback about how I am just too resistant to others’ persuasions, or too set in my ways etc etc.
Interestingly enough, the feedback at work is usually different – my so-called versatility and adaptability is my strength. That makes me wonder, yet again, how our personalities are essentially one though we try and compartmentalize them; also, sometimes I feel the insights and feedback I receive at work are usually much more astute and deep than the ones I get from people in my personal life. That’s probably the objectivity and relative distance at work – these factors do lead to a better judgment. Unless you are D. When you can deliver devastatingly astute judgments without battling an eyelid. Or L. When your compassion doesn’t make your eye, or tongue, any less insightful.
The weirdest feedback I got recently was after the release of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Mum, DB and a couple of close friends told me that Hrithik’s character reminded them of me. Since this was right before the time I was going to take off, they heartily endorsed my decision and felt I too needed to “unwind”, “slow down” and “let go of my baggage” like Hrithik did. A couple of days, 2 more people also told me something similar – except that they said Farhan’s character reminded them of me! These were friends who weren’t really that close, which probably explains the difference. But even, the gap is very stark. And puzzling. Yes, we are different people to different people, but we cant be THAT different – or can we???
Apparently I can. V (again!) had sent me an extract from my orkut profile a few weeks ago, which made me cringe. It was essentially a list of adjectives used to describe me. I immediately deleted that profile, but I do remember the time when I wrote it. I actually listed down all the adjectives my close friends have used for me, and so many of them contradict each other. Yes, descriptions are usually situational but even then, I am sometimes a little surprised by how differently I am perceived by several people.
But considering that I believe contradictions are a part of my (and nearly everyone’s) personality, I am not as bothered by these differences, as I am amused and puzzled. What really gets me is when someone who I like or respect or might potentially do so, describes me in a way that is completely NOT what I am. I still remember that pinch I felt when LC told me Vishal thought I had attitude. Though she quickly clarified and sorted it out, I still remember that awe struck moment! Or malicious. Or patronizing. Thankfully I haven’t had many such instances but even the few and far ones are inscribed in my memory. Call me the worst of names if you like, as long as there’s even a kernel of truth in them. But don’t call me what I am not; and yes, I do know what I am not. Even if sometimes I tend to get blurry about what I am.
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