The vacation truly started when I entered the Calcutta international departure terminal and got an eyeful of the warehouse effect that the artistic natives had created. It got better when I went through the round of check in-immigration-customs with cheerful, helpful Bongs.
And reached its peak when I finally stepped into the state of the art Fokker aircraft that was going to transport me to Dhaka. If it hadn’t been so scary, it would have been hilarious. Rather, it was like living out my own liking for black humor. Some impressions – elephant women dressed in printed sarees, greeting you as you walk into the cabin, a meaningful glint the eyes…..- 2 pretty girls fanning themselves with newspapers in the absence of a working AC – a middle aged trying to stem the persistent water drops from a (non working) AC vent with napkins – elephant women rushing down the aisle, handing out green plastic tiffin boxes packed with plastic cheese sandwiches, and then a few minutes rushing back down the aisle with a huge plastic bag, throwing all the tiffin boxes back in. – the Britisher sitting next to me smiling gently and crossing his fingers as the plane swooped down towards the runway – and finally, stepping out onto the tarmac, gazing up into the sky and wondering that you came from up there in this gleaming contraption which stood beside you.
Dhaka itself is an interesting city. There is no middle class. That is evident by the lack of upmarket malls, movie theatres, coffee pubs etc., the normal trappings of the average Indian city. The presence of the both the upper and lower classes is of course highly visible. In some ways in fact, I am reminded of my stay in Chennai – people not speaking Hindi/English ; humid weather and an abundance of eating places. Lack of local industry (except garments) is another reason why the poor remain poor and the rich get to spend their money – everything is horrifyingly expensive. Some of my most interesting moments were spent in the supermarket as I compared prices here with those at home – a Lux bar is Rs.12/Tk.15 ; a Clean n Clear Face wash is Rs. 18/Tk 70 ; a Lay pack is Rs.20/Tk 65 - WHY??!!
At home, its been a mixed bag so far. I am sleeping 8 hrs and above, something that my body is going to rebel against very soon! Am relaxing, talking, gossping, surfing on net, reading, buying & watching movies…….however, the many concerns right now are also a bit draining – there’s Nanima’s health which has been down since Mummy & Dolly left and we all know its because she’s depressed ; Dolly’s job which appears to be a distant possibility unless she joins the omnipresent garments industry ; Mummy’s future, both short & long term, now that she’s no longer independent. Its evident that these concerns are felt and shared by all, which is why there is a sad lack of energy & positivity here. I think I came at the right time, will try to do something about all this before I leave. If nothing else, I can act as a sounding board. Mummy hadn’t been keeping well either for the past 2 weeks, thankfully she’s better today. We have spent the whole morning chatting. I have reacted suitably to the narrations of the incidents involving my sensitive Masi and she’s listened patiently to my long recollections of my office life.
In the middle of this chaotic, muddy world, I create a small space where I hope inspite of everything....basically, i blabber on all and sundry and hope that somewhere i contribute something. To myself, at least.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Vacation?
The vacation truly started when I entered the Calcutta international departure terminal and got an eyeful of the warehouse effect that the artistic natives had created. It got better when I went through the round of check in-immigration-customs with cheerful, helpful Bongs.
And reached its peak when I finally stepped into the state of the art Fokker aircraft that was going to transport me to Dhaka. If it hadn’t been so scary, it would have been hilarious. Rather, it was like living out my own liking for black humor. Some impressions – elephant women dressed in printed sarees, greeting you as you walk into the cabin, a meaningful glint the eyes…..- 2 pretty girls fanning themselves with newspapers in the absence of a working AC – a middle aged trying to stem the persistent water drops from a (non working) AC vent with napkins – elephant women rushing down the aisle, handing out green plastic tiffin boxes packed with plastic cheese sandwiches, and then a few minutes rushing back down the aisle with a huge plastic bag, throwing all the tiffin boxes back in. – the Britisher sitting next to me smiling gently and crossing his fingers as the plane swooped down towards the runway – and finally, stepping out onto the tarmac, gazing up into the sky and wondering that you came from up there in this gleaming contraption which stood beside you.
Dhaka itself is an interesting city. There is no middle class. That is evident by the lack of upmarket malls, movie theatres, coffee pubs etc., the normal trappings of the average Indian city. The presence of the both the upper and lower classes is of course highly visible. In some ways in fact, I am reminded of my stay in Chennai – people not speaking Hindi/English ; humid weather and an abundance of eating places. Lack of local industry (except garments) is another reason why the poor remain poor and the rich get to spend their money – everything is horrifyingly expensive. Some of my most interesting moments were spent in the supermarket as I compared prices here with those at home – a Lux bar is Rs.12/Tk.15 ; a Clean n Clear Face wash is Rs. 18/Tk 70 ; a Lay pack is Rs.20/Tk 65 - WHY??!! (Aish: any answers?)
At home, its been a mixed bag so far. I am sleeping 8 hrs and above, something that my body is going to rebel against very soon! Am relaxing, talking, gossping, surfing on net, reading, buying & watching movies…….however, the many concerns right now are also a bit draining – there’s Nanima’s health which has been down since Mummy & Dolly left and we all know its because she’s depressed ; Dolly’s job which appears to be a distant possibility unless she joins the omnipresent garments industry ; Mummy’s future, both short & long term, now that she’s no longer independent. Its evident that these concerns are felt and shared by all, which is why there is a sad lack of energy & positivity here. I think I came at the right time, will try to do something about all this before I leave. If nothing else, I can act as a sounding board. Mummy hadn’t been keeping well either for the past 2 weeks, thankfully she’s better today. We have spent the whole morning chatting. I have reacted suitably to the narrations of the incidents involving my sensitive Masi and she’s listened patiently to my long recollections of my office life.
And reached its peak when I finally stepped into the state of the art Fokker aircraft that was going to transport me to Dhaka. If it hadn’t been so scary, it would have been hilarious. Rather, it was like living out my own liking for black humor. Some impressions – elephant women dressed in printed sarees, greeting you as you walk into the cabin, a meaningful glint the eyes…..- 2 pretty girls fanning themselves with newspapers in the absence of a working AC – a middle aged trying to stem the persistent water drops from a (non working) AC vent with napkins – elephant women rushing down the aisle, handing out green plastic tiffin boxes packed with plastic cheese sandwiches, and then a few minutes rushing back down the aisle with a huge plastic bag, throwing all the tiffin boxes back in. – the Britisher sitting next to me smiling gently and crossing his fingers as the plane swooped down towards the runway – and finally, stepping out onto the tarmac, gazing up into the sky and wondering that you came from up there in this gleaming contraption which stood beside you.
Dhaka itself is an interesting city. There is no middle class. That is evident by the lack of upmarket malls, movie theatres, coffee pubs etc., the normal trappings of the average Indian city. The presence of the both the upper and lower classes is of course highly visible. In some ways in fact, I am reminded of my stay in Chennai – people not speaking Hindi/English ; humid weather and an abundance of eating places. Lack of local industry (except garments) is another reason why the poor remain poor and the rich get to spend their money – everything is horrifyingly expensive. Some of my most interesting moments were spent in the supermarket as I compared prices here with those at home – a Lux bar is Rs.12/Tk.15 ; a Clean n Clear Face wash is Rs. 18/Tk 70 ; a Lay pack is Rs.20/Tk 65 - WHY??!! (Aish: any answers?)
At home, its been a mixed bag so far. I am sleeping 8 hrs and above, something that my body is going to rebel against very soon! Am relaxing, talking, gossping, surfing on net, reading, buying & watching movies…….however, the many concerns right now are also a bit draining – there’s Nanima’s health which has been down since Mummy & Dolly left and we all know its because she’s depressed ; Dolly’s job which appears to be a distant possibility unless she joins the omnipresent garments industry ; Mummy’s future, both short & long term, now that she’s no longer independent. Its evident that these concerns are felt and shared by all, which is why there is a sad lack of energy & positivity here. I think I came at the right time, will try to do something about all this before I leave. If nothing else, I can act as a sounding board. Mummy hadn’t been keeping well either for the past 2 weeks, thankfully she’s better today. We have spent the whole morning chatting. I have reacted suitably to the narrations of the incidents involving my sensitive Masi and she’s listened patiently to my long recollections of my office life.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Romance in the soul
Inspired by Aish's fundoo blog on abused words, I have decided to put down some of the romantic numbers which are my favorites.
The list is (a) not inclusive of a lot of conventionally considered great numbers (b) not exhaustive by a long way (c) inclusive of numbers which raise goose pimples on my body, which may or may not be in the great category...!
"Pretty Woman" - DONT ask me why...I just love the groove, and yes, I love singing along (pretending I am in black leather crooning to a PYT dressed in tights!)
"Bahon ke darmiyan..." - the ultimate mix of sweet romance n poetic sensuality. And if you close your eyes, you can feel the rain, the wind, the fingers......sigh.
"Nights in white satin..." - both the original & Richard Clayderman versions (yes, kill me) appeal to my sense of rhythm & drama.
"Fever..." - (boney m version) - gets the blood running. A different fantasy each time its played.
"Yeh vaada raha..." - a hot cup of tea, sitting on a balcony with green fields spread out before you, and a view of the majestic mountains, a chill in the air, and warmth in your heart.
"Woh pehli baar...." - cheerful, sunny, you sing it with a smile on your face and foot on the pedal (as you shout the words out loud while driving at full speed, laughing...!)
"Yeh ishq ishq hai..." - the only truly oldie in this list and the most complicated song to sing....a heavy quawwali if u try understanding the words....but you need not, the energy & passion touches your heart directly.
"Not a dry eye in the house..." - a sensitive guy has a cynical smile as he sings this. Hits me.
The list is (a) not inclusive of a lot of conventionally considered great numbers (b) not exhaustive by a long way (c) inclusive of numbers which raise goose pimples on my body, which may or may not be in the great category...!
"Pretty Woman" - DONT ask me why...I just love the groove, and yes, I love singing along (pretending I am in black leather crooning to a PYT dressed in tights!)
"Bahon ke darmiyan..." - the ultimate mix of sweet romance n poetic sensuality. And if you close your eyes, you can feel the rain, the wind, the fingers......sigh.
"Nights in white satin..." - both the original & Richard Clayderman versions (yes, kill me) appeal to my sense of rhythm & drama.
"Fever..." - (boney m version) - gets the blood running. A different fantasy each time its played.
"Yeh vaada raha..." - a hot cup of tea, sitting on a balcony with green fields spread out before you, and a view of the majestic mountains, a chill in the air, and warmth in your heart.
"Woh pehli baar...." - cheerful, sunny, you sing it with a smile on your face and foot on the pedal (as you shout the words out loud while driving at full speed, laughing...!)
"Yeh ishq ishq hai..." - the only truly oldie in this list and the most complicated song to sing....a heavy quawwali if u try understanding the words....but you need not, the energy & passion touches your heart directly.
"Not a dry eye in the house..." - a sensitive guy has a cynical smile as he sings this. Hits me.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
A good conv after a long time
Long conversation with Shekhar last night on this "changes" concept...and i really appreciated it. More than just the content, it was the depth, perspective & sensitivity in the conversation that helped.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Change - again
The concept of change - especially within oneself - keeps coming back to haunt me.
Yesterday, it hit me again. Bad.
The sound of rain, the sight of trees....and it hit me. Thoughts, emotions. One moment I am sitting coolly and thinking about when to wake up Shweta and the next moment I am ready to put a bullet through my head.
I have put in a tremendous effort in terms of control & conditioning over the past 12 to 18 months. And have seen evidence of requisite success - not only from my own, but from others' perspective - e.g.shweta, venkat etc. who would never associate the term 'emotional extremity' with me, unlike anyone else who knows me.
But such incidents cast shadows - Vicky's messages ; Mummy's shifting ; Shweta' s movement ; Darshan's behavior - all culminating in yesterday's afternoon turmoil, casting doubt over whether the supposed change is synthetic or fundamental.
Spoke to L, who says its the result of me trying to negate my own personality. But then, its something I have to live with. My previous way of life is not sustainable. Dont know whether this one is, but its inevitable, I dont think its a choice any more.
Yesterday, it hit me again. Bad.
The sound of rain, the sight of trees....and it hit me. Thoughts, emotions. One moment I am sitting coolly and thinking about when to wake up Shweta and the next moment I am ready to put a bullet through my head.
I have put in a tremendous effort in terms of control & conditioning over the past 12 to 18 months. And have seen evidence of requisite success - not only from my own, but from others' perspective - e.g.shweta, venkat etc. who would never associate the term 'emotional extremity' with me, unlike anyone else who knows me.
But such incidents cast shadows - Vicky's messages ; Mummy's shifting ; Shweta' s movement ; Darshan's behavior - all culminating in yesterday's afternoon turmoil, casting doubt over whether the supposed change is synthetic or fundamental.
Spoke to L, who says its the result of me trying to negate my own personality. But then, its something I have to live with. My previous way of life is not sustainable. Dont know whether this one is, but its inevitable, I dont think its a choice any more.
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