Am uncharacteristically mentally unprepared for the week ahead. Tension at work - an audit that will most certainly throw up unwanted Reds, and launch of initiatives that could just flop. In personal life too, cow webs havent cleared. Hence, had a bad weekend.
In the middle of this chaotic, muddy world, I create a small space where I hope inspite of everything....basically, i blabber on all and sundry and hope that somewhere i contribute something. To myself, at least.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Back on Top?
After the low last week, have somehow dragged myself to the surface....
> The weekend and yesterday (which was also off) were spent in being out and having a good time....movies, dinners, friends coming over etc. etc. Have kept my mind occupied.
> Have cleared things with L, which is SUCH A RELIEF.
> Sidharth had a baby....and i am VERY HAPPY.
I am thankful for these moments of relief and joy, because a lot of other aspects continue to be dark grey. Darshan....Hina...Vicky...Unni...Mummy.- all keep playing on my mind for different reasons, either for the uncertainty factor, or the pain factor, or both. I hope the cow webs clear soon.
> The weekend and yesterday (which was also off) were spent in being out and having a good time....movies, dinners, friends coming over etc. etc. Have kept my mind occupied.
> Have cleared things with L, which is SUCH A RELIEF.
> Sidharth had a baby....and i am VERY HAPPY.
I am thankful for these moments of relief and joy, because a lot of other aspects continue to be dark grey. Darshan....Hina...Vicky...Unni...Mummy.- all keep playing on my mind for different reasons, either for the uncertainty factor, or the pain factor, or both. I hope the cow webs clear soon.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Positivity and Acidity
3 day weekend...madness, laughter, silence and positivity.
And now the week.....acidity, irritation and anger....anger at people's inconsistency between thought - emotion - words - action.....their silliness at being myopic....their malice towards colleagues and ex-friends....their inability to get out of corners they have painted themselves into....
Fuck. Hitting the low now.
And now the week.....acidity, irritation and anger....anger at people's inconsistency between thought - emotion - words - action.....their silliness at being myopic....their malice towards colleagues and ex-friends....their inability to get out of corners they have painted themselves into....
Fuck. Hitting the low now.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Excerpts from the blog posted on 3rd Jan 2004 :
"The year didn't start off too well anyways! 31st was office, a measly dinner, and then home. 1st was a pleasant lunch with old friends, followed by an irritating, tense drive to ISKON and back, followed by a broken dinner appointment, followed by a v pleasant evening reading & eating....all in all, a mix. Is that what the year's going to be? No common thread- just a mix? Mix of what? As Unni said to me, a mix of approaches, not a standardised extremist approach?? (is the tendency to draw parallels becoming too strong?!) Maybe.
For a change, I cant focus on what the theme for the year would be - and maybe thats the indication itself.
One resolution is clear - I have to focus more on myself and my health. Have really let myself go last year, with no thought on what I am eating & drinking. From now on, I will regain my old sense of always having a good mix of indulgence and caution!!"
Thoughts -
> The prediction was right...2004 was a mix, a frenetic, chaotic, delicious mix of experiences and thoughts, with emotions being kept more or less on the backburner.
> The resolution did not work out, as resolutions are generally wont to....."a good mix of indulgence and caution" was not how I led the year!!
> Key "milesontes"- 3 weddings (Dolly, Venkat, Shweta), 5 new friends (Shweta, Venkat, Saurabh, Mohit, Hina), 3 trips (Dhaka, Ooty, Pondicherry), 1 promotion, a lot of parties/photographs/dinners/work output.
> To-do list for 2005 -
(a) Spend less money
(b) Keep weight in control
(c) Start teaching as Visiting Faculty in local colleges
(d) Move to Delhi
(e) Visit Kerala
"The year didn't start off too well anyways! 31st was office, a measly dinner, and then home. 1st was a pleasant lunch with old friends, followed by an irritating, tense drive to ISKON and back, followed by a broken dinner appointment, followed by a v pleasant evening reading & eating....all in all, a mix. Is that what the year's going to be? No common thread- just a mix? Mix of what? As Unni said to me, a mix of approaches, not a standardised extremist approach?? (is the tendency to draw parallels becoming too strong?!) Maybe.
For a change, I cant focus on what the theme for the year would be - and maybe thats the indication itself.
One resolution is clear - I have to focus more on myself and my health. Have really let myself go last year, with no thought on what I am eating & drinking. From now on, I will regain my old sense of always having a good mix of indulgence and caution!!"
Thoughts -
> The prediction was right...2004 was a mix, a frenetic, chaotic, delicious mix of experiences and thoughts, with emotions being kept more or less on the backburner.
> The resolution did not work out, as resolutions are generally wont to....."a good mix of indulgence and caution" was not how I led the year!!
> Key "milesontes"- 3 weddings (Dolly, Venkat, Shweta), 5 new friends (Shweta, Venkat, Saurabh, Mohit, Hina), 3 trips (Dhaka, Ooty, Pondicherry), 1 promotion, a lot of parties/photographs/dinners/work output.
> To-do list for 2005 -
(a) Spend less money
(b) Keep weight in control
(c) Start teaching as Visiting Faculty in local colleges
(d) Move to Delhi
(e) Visit Kerala
Set the tone
I am incredibly superstitious about this time....
While I consider the accomanying celebrations as pure frivolous, forced madness, I do consider it as an opportunity to pause and reflect upon the past and define some plans/objectives for the future. Yes, we can do this anytime...but caught as we are in our frenetic, chaotic lives, we don't, do we?
Anyway, I usually try to ensure that the first few days of the year starting 12am, 1st Jan pass such that they set the right tone for the rest of the year. This time...
> had wine and chocolate exactly at 12 am!
> had good, pleasant conversation on 31st eve-1st...
> spent a quiet, relaxed weekend, deliberately avoided reaching out to people and instead spent time alone
> read a fun filled, pacy book...saw 3 movies, two old favorites and one new
Hope this works the trick. Will do a status check in Dec 2005.
While I consider the accomanying celebrations as pure frivolous, forced madness, I do consider it as an opportunity to pause and reflect upon the past and define some plans/objectives for the future. Yes, we can do this anytime...but caught as we are in our frenetic, chaotic lives, we don't, do we?
Anyway, I usually try to ensure that the first few days of the year starting 12am, 1st Jan pass such that they set the right tone for the rest of the year. This time...
> had wine and chocolate exactly at 12 am!
> had good, pleasant conversation on 31st eve-1st...
> spent a quiet, relaxed weekend, deliberately avoided reaching out to people and instead spent time alone
> read a fun filled, pacy book...saw 3 movies, two old favorites and one new
Hope this works the trick. Will do a status check in Dec 2005.
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