Conversations

Some interesting thoughts/conversations I had with myself/various people over the past one month...

> I find it absolutely amazing how large organizations start developing a character of their own, like children in the same house. The way Accenture functions is so starkly different from the approach of other entities in the space it inhabits. Does it actually act on "ideas"? No. The approach to anything new is cautious, conservative, strewn with reviews and more reviews, and then a series of approvals, each step a carefully considered cost n benefit analysis. Its the approach of an accountant. Nothing like the approach of an i-flex, or even ge, or even polaris, where entrepreneurship is oft-practiced trait.

> The only human being till date about whom I find myself unable to make a definitive statement is Vicky. I keep reaching a conclusion, and then keep doubting myself. The closest I have come to definition is to think of him like a unique kaleidoscope. There are no standard stereotype keys to unlock him. In fact, there's nothing to unlock. Its all there in front of you. All you need is one glimpse of the truth, one sudden n strong connection, and the madness can get resolved into a pattern....a pattern that could be chaotic n contradictory, but colorful n fascinating, provided you can think out of the box. I believe I can, at least when it comes to people. And definitely when it comes to people like him. But how many others will be able to resolve this kaleidoscope? They will keep looking from different angles and see a different picture each time, finally giving rise to strained or half-dead relationships. Thats scary....for Vicky. And I think, somewhere, he recognises this fact, and that is the cause for the incredible sadness that I sometimes sense within him.

But the bugger also has to give people a chance, which he is hesitant to. I would like to add that this is because he has a core of arrogance within him, which I will immediately retract in 15 min. Thats my quandary when it comes to this incredibly fascinating (to me) person. Hence, only the first para of this section is true.

> Dev (movie) succeeded in getting me angry with myself, for having let my social conscience lie dormat for such a long time, as I get steeped into daily trivia. I have always believed that its not always necessary for people to "do" anything for social good ; being aware/educated, and spreading the word, is itself a step in the right direction. I also believed that I would at least continue to do the latter, if not the former. I am now disappointed in myself.

Dev's stark potrayal of the communal situation - the politics behind the riots ; the corruption in the police force ; the horrors of the violence ; the core of humanity found in the unexpected places ; the courage of a few - all this viewed through the eyes of a clear headed, idealistic police office - is one of the most impactful films I have seen. Though Gangajal was better-made (and thats so strange, because Govind is a much more mature director than Prakash), it didn't rouse the emotions that Dev was able to.

I just hope there are more people like me outside. If this films flops at the box office, I will be severely disillusioned by my country.

> Had an extensive feedback discussion with Shilpa and Lakshmi, the details of which I will try to put down in some other blog sometime. One interesting aspect, however, which I thought about later, was when I ran through the list of outstanding skills and abilities I have been told I have. And as I thought of each one of them and traced them back to the core where they would have sprung from, I realised that the core for all of them lay in the values and experiences (especially the tough times) I was exposed to as I grew up. Not that this is an earth shattering revelation - the skills/abilities one has being traced back to the upbringing - but its an opportunity for me to be grateful that I was brought up the way I was, with all the bad times included. The bad times made me tougher, and the good people showed me the way. Thank you God, thank you Mummy.

a quickie full of emotions

i just came back from a delhi trip.....took friday n monday off and went for 4 days to basically meet dolly n mummy before they go to dhaka in 1st week of july.....i was pretty unwell when i left fr here, primarily due to sheer exhaustion, and have come back even more exhausted.,,,,dont know where this will end, have a sneaky suspicion it will end where all things end, at the doors of death.

decent trip...not unbearably hot in delhi, abt 39 degrees......spent time with both of them and of course met nanima, masi n mama etc....went for movie (dev - excellent) n dilli haat as usual......mummy's of course apprehensive n emotional abt the near future, basically i had gone just for the comfort level.....all 3 of us are mainly thinking of nanima who wl be left alone now, thats whats killing all of us,.....

had been looking fwd to seeing shekhar's son (harshit) but was v disappointed when i reached there and got to know that SS is in china......then got to know he's coming back monday night.....so i went to pick him up at 11 last nite, then went to his place, met kiddo (who was thankfully awake) and came back...(yes, got just 1 hr of sleep last nite, and am back in office now)..kiddo is really cute. my heart went out to him n i am a devoted slave for the rest of his life.....on first instinct, he looks like cheenu, but features are a bit like shekhar's. but shekhar's life is in a mess...key cause being of course the early marriage n fatherhood, which he cant handle along with his work.

now am back at work...v tired....mentally, physically n emotionally.........keeping control on emotions n thoughts ; making tough decisions ; living up to yr own expectations as a human being, professional, son, friend ; living a strenuous physical life....all of this is getting to me now and i dont know how far i wl be able to keep this up. for the past 2/3 weeks, its like all the strong emotions n thoughts which i had kept at bay for the past year are now flooding me in one instant. this happens when u dont obey your own self. serves me right for ignoring myself.