Sometimes relationships which appeared to be so strong as to have become part of our DNA threaten...to sink. Early 2001 was the first such instance and it very nearly destabilized me. But today I am stronger, and whatever happens with D, I know I can handle it.
That does not make it any less saddening. People come and people go. And I believe in patterns. There must be entry and exit factors which I am unconsciously using. Will need to think through this, instead of posting off the cuff impressions.
In the middle of this chaotic, muddy world, I create a small space where I hope inspite of everything....basically, i blabber on all and sundry and hope that somewhere i contribute something. To myself, at least.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Movies!
Thanks to imdb message boards, I managed to compile my "top 20" hindi movies!
1. Lamhe
2. Khamoshi
3. Company
4. Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron
5. Andaz Apna Apna
6. Chaalbaaz
7. Katha
8. Mandi
9 Mr.India
10. Dil Chahta Hai
11. Jagte Raho
12. Angoor
13. Maqbool
14. Rangeela
15. Zakhm
16. Arth
17. Lagaan
18. Black
19. Hum Apke Hain Kaun
20. Abhimaan
Runners up were Satte Pe Satta, Dil Se, Lekin, Raincoat, Jhankaar Beats etc.
The real problem would be if I try to do the same for English movies....the %age of movies liked vs movies watched is much higher......and I don't remember so many movies that I have liked. But will try sometime.....
1. Lamhe
2. Khamoshi
3. Company
4. Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron
5. Andaz Apna Apna
6. Chaalbaaz
7. Katha
8. Mandi
9 Mr.India
10. Dil Chahta Hai
11. Jagte Raho
12. Angoor
13. Maqbool
14. Rangeela
15. Zakhm
16. Arth
17. Lagaan
18. Black
19. Hum Apke Hain Kaun
20. Abhimaan
Runners up were Satte Pe Satta, Dil Se, Lekin, Raincoat, Jhankaar Beats etc.
The real problem would be if I try to do the same for English movies....the %age of movies liked vs movies watched is much higher......and I don't remember so many movies that I have liked. But will try sometime.....
Thanks to imdb message boards, I managed to compile my "top 20" hindi movies!
1. Lamhe
2. Khamoshi
3. Company
4. Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron
5. Andaz Apna Apna
6. Chaalbaaz
7. Katha
8. Mandi
9 Mr.India
10. Dil Chahta Hai
11. Jagte Raho
12. Angoor
13. Maqbool
14. Rangeela
15. Zakhm
16. Arth
17. Lagaan
18. Black
19. Hum Apke Hain Kaun
20. Abhimaan
Runners up were Satte Pe Satta, Dil Se, Lekin, Raincoat, Jhankaar Beats etc.
The real problem would be if I try to do the same for English movies....the %age of movies liked vs movies watched is much higher......and I don't remember so many movies that I have liked. But will try sometime.....
1. Lamhe
2. Khamoshi
3. Company
4. Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron
5. Andaz Apna Apna
6. Chaalbaaz
7. Katha
8. Mandi
9 Mr.India
10. Dil Chahta Hai
11. Jagte Raho
12. Angoor
13. Maqbool
14. Rangeela
15. Zakhm
16. Arth
17. Lagaan
18. Black
19. Hum Apke Hain Kaun
20. Abhimaan
Runners up were Satte Pe Satta, Dil Se, Lekin, Raincoat, Jhankaar Beats etc.
The real problem would be if I try to do the same for English movies....the %age of movies liked vs movies watched is much higher......and I don't remember so many movies that I have liked. But will try sometime.....
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
superstitious me
just yesterday i was thinking that the past 5-6 days have been unexpectedly pleasant. and today have gotten up feeling incredibly woozy n sickish. cant even take off from work as there are critical activities lined up for these three days, none of which can be pushed to the next week.
am currently drowning in pleasurable self pity. would be more pleasurable if there were an audience. sigh. missing nanima.
am currently drowning in pleasurable self pity. would be more pleasurable if there were an audience. sigh. missing nanima.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Sunday bliss
A blissful Sunday is rare, as it should be.
The bittersweet taste of Friday melted into pleasurable lethargy by the time Sunday dawned. House and car cleaned, I sniff without sneezing. An hour of the most hilarious Will n Grace episodes I have seen in a long time. A leisurely lunch, a reaffirmation of relationships. Visits to old haunts, places and memories. Hours at the bookstore, catch up on hollywood gossip and new launches. An evening with 6 magazines and one scandalous/funny book. TV induced vegetation. Start a new murder mystery. Sleep on time.
This rare blissful Sunday is now recorded for posterity.
The bittersweet taste of Friday melted into pleasurable lethargy by the time Sunday dawned. House and car cleaned, I sniff without sneezing. An hour of the most hilarious Will n Grace episodes I have seen in a long time. A leisurely lunch, a reaffirmation of relationships. Visits to old haunts, places and memories. Hours at the bookstore, catch up on hollywood gossip and new launches. An evening with 6 magazines and one scandalous/funny book. TV induced vegetation. Start a new murder mystery. Sleep on time.
This rare blissful Sunday is now recorded for posterity.
Friday, February 11, 2005
another mixed week.....
i wonder why i find it irritating that the past week has been so mixed?? thats natural, isnt it...considering the mad roller coasters that we are all perched on? then why this compelling need to find patterns and themes?
anyway, my moods/thoughts/emotions itself have oscillated between happiness/wistfulness/discomfort/introspection/worry/irritation/anger/amusement/cynicism/optimism all this week. no wonder i have a sense of feeling tired....but yes, i admit, a sense of being alive too.
i think the way i have used so many words with slashes in the previous paragraphs is a shameful testimonial to my fast declining writing capabilities. posts on other blogs that i read- bridalbeer, divigate, simplesimon - make me blush with their control of imagery, flow of thoughts and perspectives. and here i am, sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of corporate mediocrity.
how many times will i use the word "quicksand"?????? aaaaarrrrrghhhhh!!! i am not only irritated with a lot of other people, most recent being vicky and lakshmi (talk about disparate external locii of control!) but with myself too.
i shall forward to a weekend of books, movies and card parties. note, not conversations. i dont think i want to discuss all of this...mainly because i dont think it makes a shit of a difference to anyone anymore.
anyway, my moods/thoughts/emotions itself have oscillated between happiness/wistfulness/discomfort/introspection/worry/irritation/anger/amusement/cynicism/optimism all this week. no wonder i have a sense of feeling tired....but yes, i admit, a sense of being alive too.
i think the way i have used so many words with slashes in the previous paragraphs is a shameful testimonial to my fast declining writing capabilities. posts on other blogs that i read- bridalbeer, divigate, simplesimon - make me blush with their control of imagery, flow of thoughts and perspectives. and here i am, sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of corporate mediocrity.
how many times will i use the word "quicksand"?????? aaaaarrrrrghhhhh!!! i am not only irritated with a lot of other people, most recent being vicky and lakshmi (talk about disparate external locii of control!) but with myself too.
i shall forward to a weekend of books, movies and card parties. note, not conversations. i dont think i want to discuss all of this...mainly because i dont think it makes a shit of a difference to anyone anymore.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Bittersweet
Yesterday was actually a good day. A deck which we had made on attrition and were very apprehensive about, was liked by Lakshmi. Darshan got promoted. And I got a sincere appreciation on mail from our business lead, Ashish for the initiative I am currently running.
However, its rare nowdays that anything provides undiluted joy. The bittersweet nature of this day is derived from my essential sense of discomfort with the way this system of recognition works. From my perspective, I have done a lot of good work which has been very effective at the ground level. But because its very basic level work, which is not branded and neither is a quick win, it doesnt win the kind of recognition that a high-visibility "project" like DSI does. What a silly thing it is - I am proud of "A", but I get recognised for "B". My desire for this to converge could be idealism or arrogance (not that there is too much difference between the two). I guess I just need to be practical, and look at it from the pov that at least i got recognised.
However, its rare nowdays that anything provides undiluted joy. The bittersweet nature of this day is derived from my essential sense of discomfort with the way this system of recognition works. From my perspective, I have done a lot of good work which has been very effective at the ground level. But because its very basic level work, which is not branded and neither is a quick win, it doesnt win the kind of recognition that a high-visibility "project" like DSI does. What a silly thing it is - I am proud of "A", but I get recognised for "B". My desire for this to converge could be idealism or arrogance (not that there is too much difference between the two). I guess I just need to be practical, and look at it from the pov that at least i got recognised.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Poems
I find it interesting how different poems evoke a different kind of approach, including...
> poems which you read quickly and think "how nice"...and then a word or a phrase catches your eye (mind's eye?!) and you go "hmm....thats interesting" and then you read it again and the entire meaning moves to the next, deeper level and you realise the poem is an onion
> poems which have a unique perspective to offer depending on what stage of life or mental state you read them in. These poems say something when you are 22 and something totally different at 29. On hindsight, such poems often leave behind a debate on the credibility of the poet. Did he have something to say or was he just a convenient "facilitator"?
> poems which directly touch you, which make their words just a vehicle to make you feel something. In such poems analysis usually yields nothing unique about the usage of phrase or setting of the composition; instead the reaction needs to be completely instinctive. The suspicion on credibility is now reversed, you don't trust yourself after such poems, after all you can't really make out why the hell you have got so affected by something that doesn't actually appear that good.
> poems which make you smile (pleasant reading), while there is a funny feeling in your stomach. Your smile then thins a little as memories flood back ("my memory serves me far too well") and at that moment, you hate the poet, because he has delivered a punch with a smile. Its the Karan Johar brand of movies - no achievement in terms of cinematic excellence but make an impact as he touches the right chords.
I know 2 people who write poetry..
L's output (what an awful word) falls into the third category, but not consistently so. He needs to read more to learn to differentiate quality from mediocrity.
Vicky's is often the last category, which is probably why I have a bitter sweet relationship with him. His persona and his poems often evoke mixed reactions in me.
His most recent creation....
"Kabhi chahat ka tha haseen sama,
Kabhi mohabbat ki hava chali.
Is tan to kabhi chhua tha tumne,
Saath guzaare the suhaane pal kabhi.
Mausam badle kyun hamein ilm nahin,
Aksar sochte hain kya khata ham se hui kahin"
(Disclaimer : I also find this pontification quite silly, as if I am a connoiseur of poetry or something)
> poems which you read quickly and think "how nice"...and then a word or a phrase catches your eye (mind's eye?!) and you go "hmm....thats interesting" and then you read it again and the entire meaning moves to the next, deeper level and you realise the poem is an onion
> poems which have a unique perspective to offer depending on what stage of life or mental state you read them in. These poems say something when you are 22 and something totally different at 29. On hindsight, such poems often leave behind a debate on the credibility of the poet. Did he have something to say or was he just a convenient "facilitator"?
> poems which directly touch you, which make their words just a vehicle to make you feel something. In such poems analysis usually yields nothing unique about the usage of phrase or setting of the composition; instead the reaction needs to be completely instinctive. The suspicion on credibility is now reversed, you don't trust yourself after such poems, after all you can't really make out why the hell you have got so affected by something that doesn't actually appear that good.
> poems which make you smile (pleasant reading), while there is a funny feeling in your stomach. Your smile then thins a little as memories flood back ("my memory serves me far too well") and at that moment, you hate the poet, because he has delivered a punch with a smile. Its the Karan Johar brand of movies - no achievement in terms of cinematic excellence but make an impact as he touches the right chords.
I know 2 people who write poetry..
L's output (what an awful word) falls into the third category, but not consistently so. He needs to read more to learn to differentiate quality from mediocrity.
Vicky's is often the last category, which is probably why I have a bitter sweet relationship with him. His persona and his poems often evoke mixed reactions in me.
His most recent creation....
"Kabhi chahat ka tha haseen sama,
Kabhi mohabbat ki hava chali.
Is tan to kabhi chhua tha tumne,
Saath guzaare the suhaane pal kabhi.
Mausam badle kyun hamein ilm nahin,
Aksar sochte hain kya khata ham se hui kahin"
(Disclaimer : I also find this pontification quite silly, as if I am a connoiseur of poetry or something)
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