Combiflam & Coffee

Since January, life’s been giving me little nudges, little winks, hinting at times to come. There would be a spurt of energy…and then it would settle down into a hum. There would be a mad encounter…and then routine would take over. But the energy levels gradually escalated, manifesting themselves in impulses and decisions that in turn stimulated more energy, both of the positive and negative kind. And similar spurts of activity and irritation at work gradually increased in frequency.

And the music reached a crescendo the last few weeks – and how!

Key work milestones rolled out in regular succession, each bringing with it a cycle of attention, discussions, communication, reviews and some celebration too…

A devastatingly disappointing conversation at work got me to fall off the wagon and re-enter the world of Long Island Iced Tea…

Days stretched…sometimes the gaps between when the day ended and the next day began were too less even to partially switch off…

The silences increased, punctuated by an occasional conversation from one end and a poke through sms from another end…a poke that would sometimes draw a response, and sometimes not. Foreseeable, yes. Understandable, partly. Acceptable, no. Avoidable, no.

And I had barely learnt to cope with one rollercoaster, when another one threatened to take off, as if confirming that the first was just a trailer. One weekend spent in intense discussion…and then a week of the struggle between mind and heart. Five minds & hearts are dealing with this…and will deal with it for a while…

Catalyst, my “baby”, reached a conclusion point. Frenetic activity in the preceding weeks couldn’t hide the emotion I felt.

All this within a few weeks…and the coming days wont be much better, I have run through a strip of combiflam and god knows how much caffeine. Exercise is very occasional. My eyes look dull, my hair’s dull, and my skin’s terrible. Yet somehow I have done all the right things, said all the right things, smiled and laughed at the right time, and demonstrated or shared positive energy with the right people. Because its not as if I am unhappy, even if there have been some low moments.

I. AM. JUST. VERY. TIRED.