In the middle of this chaotic, muddy world, I create a small space where I hope inspite of everything....basically, i blabber on all and sundry and hope that somewhere i contribute something. To myself, at least.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Saturday, September 04, 2004
Interesting play of words
Just finished a very interesting book - Peter Straub's The Hellfire Club...contrary to the pop-bestseller kind of look it had, it turned out to be a complicated, engaging mystery.
A couple of the recordable sentences fr the book....
"Dreams never give up. Like tigers, they simply lay in wait until fresh meat came along"
"If she had any feelings, they were like the little black, shriveled husks left behind by a fire. She supposed that someday they would turn into feelings"
A couple of the recordable sentences fr the book....
"Dreams never give up. Like tigers, they simply lay in wait until fresh meat came along"
"If she had any feelings, they were like the little black, shriveled husks left behind by a fire. She supposed that someday they would turn into feelings"
Shining Light
Without any envy/resentment/irritation/condescension/reservation/intimidation, I feel nothing but genuine whole hearted appreciation for Nanima and Mummy.
Without spouting adjectives about their abilities or listing facts that demonstrate them , I confidently feel they are the two finest ladies I have known.
My detached appreciation mingles with unconditional love as I think about the massive challenges that they have constantly faced throughout their lives, and the courage and dignity with which they have overcome them; the gentleness of their demeanour and the warmth of their relations even when they have had multiple cause to find bitterness or wariness; the ability to laugh, at the world and themselves, however low they might be; the choice they make to find pleasures in the smallest of things and thus retain the pure child in thir souls.
Of course, both are individuals and I could write much much more in detail about what their specfic strengths (and even weaknesses) are. But right now, I am just seized by the sense of gratitude and love borne out of having them being the fountainhead of my life.
Without spouting adjectives about their abilities or listing facts that demonstrate them , I confidently feel they are the two finest ladies I have known.
My detached appreciation mingles with unconditional love as I think about the massive challenges that they have constantly faced throughout their lives, and the courage and dignity with which they have overcome them; the gentleness of their demeanour and the warmth of their relations even when they have had multiple cause to find bitterness or wariness; the ability to laugh, at the world and themselves, however low they might be; the choice they make to find pleasures in the smallest of things and thus retain the pure child in thir souls.
Of course, both are individuals and I could write much much more in detail about what their specfic strengths (and even weaknesses) are. But right now, I am just seized by the sense of gratitude and love borne out of having them being the fountainhead of my life.
Vacation update
Well....vacation's nearly over....I have spent more than a week here, and the day after tomorrow I will be leaving.
It's so ironic. The so many times in my life when I have just been overtaken by the hundreds (seemingly thousands) of things happening, I manage to find words to sum it up and definie patterns/themes. Now, when I have basically been sitting around the house and spending time with 3 people, I find myself unable to do so. (i.e. sum it up neatly).
Hence, some impressions....
> Long conversations with Mummy, on...well, generally the state of the world - Dolly, Anjan, Dolly n Anjan (together), Nanima, Mama, Mami, Masi, Unni, Shweta, Deepti etc etc. Not so much on the "future". We are kind of agreed that we want to keep that open.
> Movies, movies, movies. Bought 35 DVDs. Saw 7 movies. Saw the entire Friends season 10. Saw entire Mad About You season 2.
> Rediscovery of the net - ryze (added 2 new friends, got added onto a network), blog (3 posts in one week....says it all), imdb (contributed to message boards, read daily news, searched for movies, read reviews etc etc.). I even got linked somehow to a few porn sites, so I finally saw what they look like.
>A look into the past, and it feels like a dream. The classrooms at Don Bosco, the grocery shop near the park in GK, the Dussehra program at TGApts, the long chats in Srinath's cramped drawing room, the picnics with the BBM group, the tuition classes at Vasundhra, the midnight walks at IMT, the meetings with HR Orion - I have snaps of all these, but was I really there??????????????? It just feels like a dream. And then suddenly, I feel exhausted. There's so much to remember, and hence so much to think about, so much to feel. And the feelings aren't always great. The pain comes back. Hard.
It's so ironic. The so many times in my life when I have just been overtaken by the hundreds (seemingly thousands) of things happening, I manage to find words to sum it up and definie patterns/themes. Now, when I have basically been sitting around the house and spending time with 3 people, I find myself unable to do so. (i.e. sum it up neatly).
Hence, some impressions....
> Long conversations with Mummy, on...well, generally the state of the world - Dolly, Anjan, Dolly n Anjan (together), Nanima, Mama, Mami, Masi, Unni, Shweta, Deepti etc etc. Not so much on the "future". We are kind of agreed that we want to keep that open.
> Movies, movies, movies. Bought 35 DVDs. Saw 7 movies. Saw the entire Friends season 10. Saw entire Mad About You season 2.
> Rediscovery of the net - ryze (added 2 new friends, got added onto a network), blog (3 posts in one week....says it all), imdb (contributed to message boards, read daily news, searched for movies, read reviews etc etc.). I even got linked somehow to a few porn sites, so I finally saw what they look like.
>A look into the past, and it feels like a dream. The classrooms at Don Bosco, the grocery shop near the park in GK, the Dussehra program at TGApts, the long chats in Srinath's cramped drawing room, the picnics with the BBM group, the tuition classes at Vasundhra, the midnight walks at IMT, the meetings with HR Orion - I have snaps of all these, but was I really there??????????????? It just feels like a dream. And then suddenly, I feel exhausted. There's so much to remember, and hence so much to think about, so much to feel. And the feelings aren't always great. The pain comes back. Hard.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Mood
Dark clouds gather and promise a new beginning. Ghulam Ali sings of an erotic, romantic, dead past. PD James describes sin and loneliness in young priests. And a film on vampires awaits my indulgence.
In the evening, I will take a walk and try to find some interesting faces and think about the stories that could lie behind them.
The absorbed demons of the past and the hollow promises of the future fuse into a mellow present.
In the evening, I will take a walk and try to find some interesting faces and think about the stories that could lie behind them.
The absorbed demons of the past and the hollow promises of the future fuse into a mellow present.
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