Thursday, January 25, 2007

Dilution of deserved rewards

I was very happy last night, yet wasnt really able to enjoy the happiness, because of the numerous other related issues clouding my mind. Am just not able to relax, my mind keeps going over those seemingly minor incidents (the 2 day gap, the wrong sms, the switch off) which somehow have a much larger symbolic significance in my mind. The problem is, that there's no clear solution except to make drastic choices, which I dont want to.

What the f**k is this....I deserve my happiness, dont I????? I have been good, I have made efforts, I have changed myself a lot, I have bloody hell been through a bloody hell of a lot....why the f**k cant I have my cake and eat it too for a change???????????

I dont know what this trip is gng to achieve, but even action for the sake of action seems like a diversion to me.

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