Mixed feelings. the WORST to deal with.
I can (have) deal with tensions, difficulties, trauma etc etc. As long as one is able to pinpoint what one is feeling and accordingly react.
What happens when there are 2 bubbles.
One that is excited..looking forward...a little confident.
One that is sad....and a little guilty.
I cant bear to see pain on the faces of the people I love - I always claim that. Then how am I able to see mummy;s face? A pain that I know is being caused by me.
Worse, nostalgia is pulling me down. Flashes keep appearing - grandmother's terrace gorging on chocolate biscuits....a walk in Shimla.....the smiles on mummy;s face.....the tears....the talks at IMT....the midmorning tea with pekhna......and now a new chapter.

Its not going to be an easy week.