First it was Shk. For all his irritating habits and conversation, he has a knack of asking me questions or delivering insights that leave me questioning established thoughts and impressions. Part of it is due to my vulnerability with him (which I think I hide well) and partly due to his credibility - because, despite the aforementioned irritants, he is the most intelligent person I know. And an intelligence that has also translated into material success (though he doesn't agree), which makes it more credible. This time it was about relationships and I how I view them. He was particularly interested in knowing more about DB, and I realised how guarded and cautious I am in my responses. And that's with such a close friend! I keep saying that I am pretty open but I think when it comes to really private and important things, I am not that open. Even someone like a Shk has to make an effort.
Completely opposite was Barkha Dutt as the key note speaker at our IWD event yesterday. Her narrative of the role that gender has played in her worklife was warm, absorbing and intensely personal...I wonder if I can ever stand up and be so candid about my experiences, both positive and unsavory in a larger audience? Maybe I can, if the purpose behind the candidness is to talk about an issue. In fact, I have been, come to think of it. Anyway, contrary to the image that she seems to have developed, her speech and then her responses during Q&A and the panel discussion were sensible, balanced and nuanced. A lot of it resonated with me and this is what I enjoy the most - when someone is able to intelligently articulate and express something that I had felt. Its quite rare though :(
Some thoughts and viewpoints that struck a chord -
- Stop seeing gender as being just about women; gender should not become a dogma; it should be an agent of dialogue leading to change for the betterment of society as a whole (Both at work and in personal life, I feel many people dont realize that the issues we discuss are rarely reflective of reality - the reality is often complex and linked to many other issues that need to be tackled collectively)
- Dont ghettoise me; becoming closeted with no entry signs reinforces the same issue or problem we are fighting against; we need to work at integration with the mainstream and not away from it (I have always been against the tendency of every minority/silent/"victimised" community to create a world-within-the-world. I recognise the need for that safety but disliked it nevertheless. I finally found words to describe it)
- Avoiding the victimhood mentality; Creating a space for myself; Organizations and institutions need to help create spaces that deconstruct notions and sensitise the environment as a whole; tokenisms dont help (If you feel like a victim, you become one. Its one of the many self fulfiling prophecies I believe in. That doesnt mean I dont fall prey to it. I do. And thats why I keep saying it -cautioning myself as much as others)
- I had so many twists and turns in what I believed in (why is everyone forced to take a stand on everything? While I believe that being opinionated is usually a sign of intelligence, being able to admit that one's stand can change depending on which side of an issue influences you more is also a sign of mature intelligence. And I was go glad she admitted it too)
- Gender is synonymous with choices and one influence the other. The choices are of both personal and professional nature (I dont think there's right or wrong. There are just choices. If the choice is made with conviction and doesnt infringe on someone else's freedom, its usually "right")
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