On the verge

Suddenly......yes, suddenly....all the energy seems to have been sapped out of me. '
I drag myself out of bed each day, sleepwalk through the rest of day, a fixed smile on my face (that often slips, prompting the explanation "I am not well"), barely managing to get some work done, to keep the gaadi going...always on the verge just giving up, just sitting down and not getting up again.

Books dont thrill me, comedies don't make me laugh...the troubles of loved ones leave me with a sense of regret and a faint memory that I used to get affected more...in some lifetime.

Maybe this is my subconscious self reacting to the forced high levels of energy/positivity that I have sustained for several months now. Maybe its a reaction against the "dont think,dont feel" stance, which has resulted in an accumulation of sludge. Or then, it could be my self-preservation instinct kicking in, preparing for the onslaught of work and tension that is certain over the next 3-4 weeks.

Maybe. Who knows? I am certainly not thinking it through. And I certainly dont have people left who can help me think it through.