Causing hurt

Shruti Dikshit just mailed me. She's got hold of some mail I wrote in Polaris in which I hv clubbed her with a group and spoken rather disparagingly about them. Naturally, she;s upset but was decent enuff to tell me about it.

My reaction to her :

Yo!!!

(a) god knows where u got this from. I dont remember even writing this....but the beginning and end sounds like me, so wont doubt the authencity....however, not knowing where this came from, maybe u could check the veracity of the exact words and that they hvnt been tampered with. the overall mail is definitely mine.

(b) I was certainly upset n disappointed by a lot of ppl there (and I had even spoken to u abt the depression I feel abt HR there) . this was mainly colored by namita and my impressions of her. and frankly, before I got to know u better, everyone else in that group - u, sonali, aditi - was associated with her. and again frankly, as far as ppl like sonali are concerned, these impressions didnt change. Thats the "grouping" part

(c) U as an individual I have liked (always) and respected (when I got to know u better). This is a fact, and u may choose to believe me or not. Thats up to you. But what do yr instincts say? Even rationally speaking, werent my feeling towards ppl I didnt like very evident - namita, poonam etc, even to an extent sonali?? Did u ever feel that with me? I cant prevent my feelings to show on my face, and u hv seen those expressions! Did u ever see that expression around you???

Again, I am not sure where u got this mail from. The mail is mine, but I am not sure of the words.
If u really want a defence, speak to Shweta Mishra, who I believe u interacted with in HCL. She;s my colleague here and naturally the first thing we spoke about was you. I didnt have anything negative to say about you.
But defence is nothing. Like accusations, defence can also be tampered with. Hence, I request you to go entirely by your instincts. In my experience, our instincts are right in 9 out of 10 cases.

I know that this mail would have been hurting. And I dont blame you for disliking me at this point. And I wont blame you either if u choose not to believe me. But please dont carry this in your heart, because you, after all u hv been thro at psl, dont deserve this.

And thank you for immediately reverting to me, rather than keeping it to yourself.

You may choose to reply or not.

Always

Sudeep

The sheer thought of another person (who I genuinely like) being hurt n upset is terrible. And when the source of that pain is me, I am consumed by sadness and guilt.