Thursday, September 25, 2003

bloody hell...i hv to keep motivating myself

In the beginning, life is all about "positive experiences".....when I think of all positive feelings - security, sense of belonging, undiluted love, achievement, clear headedness - I realise that I got acquainted with all these in my childhood itself.

And then, slowly...quietly, life kept throwing the negatives my way. There was grief ....heartbreak.....disillusionment....insecurity.....confusion.....lack of achievement.......as life goes on, I keep getting acquainted with these feelings one by one. During these times, the pain is immense, but then as I emerge out of the cloud, I realise it is an "experience", it is something that takes me further along my goal of being a better, stronger person.

Am I again rationalising the negative? Doesnt matter. What matters is the end result - that I remain positive.

What if this process had been reversed? Would I have been able to hold on to a positive value system? I am very thankful to God/fate/destiny etc etc, that I dont have to answer this question.

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