Why cant I just be myself? How is everyone else allowed to be grumpy, low, depressed, snappy, tired, switched off, confused, irritated, off, angry, disappointed, disillusioned...while I start feeling guilty, or am made to feel guilty, as soon as I display any of this for more than a few moments at a stretch? So...more for the sake of others than myself...I get up every morning, and put on a smile and some brains at my dressing table, enough to last me the day and its interactions and conversations. But finally I am alone. And if I want to think about the horrible month that May always is, I will. And if I want to get angry at people, I will. And if I want to feel sorry for myself, I will. And if I want to swim in the past, I will. And if I want to not think about tomorrow, I won't. And if I want to scream, I will. If I want to drive with music blaring, I will. If I want to cry, I will. If I want to sit in silence, I will. I will be myself.
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