Its funny how things work...and how all the disjointed parts seems to fit together in the end like a parable.
I am not sure where it all started...maybe with my long vacation-cum-renaissance? And then the calmer, more aware, and possibly more receptive me. And receptive to...that fateful morning at Golden Palms. A few days, I am still struggling with the implications for my Goa trip with DB, as Deepa and L ask me fundamental questions - if your mindspace could be taken over, maybe it wasn't occupied? if you haven't moved on, can he?.
Coincidentally, it was L who had acted as the catalyst for my change of heart in 2006 too. Anyway, so there I was in Goa, striking a much delayed conversation with DB, causing and feeling some awkwardness, some pain and some relief. I came back in tears.
And then two stories unfolded. Mine has no middle and no end, and is more a rollercoaster ride than a journey. His was a conscious saga, of reflection and sanity, and possibly peace too. Borne of pain, it is nevertheless a positive step.
I didn't know his story of course. Till today. The long chat, the news of his impending marriage. I shared my thoughts, my questions, my concerns, my genuine wishes. I know what he was waiting for. My feelings. But, like the last few years, I stayed quiet. I really don't know what I feel.
I am not sure where it all started...maybe with my long vacation-cum-renaissance? And then the calmer, more aware, and possibly more receptive me. And receptive to...that fateful morning at Golden Palms. A few days, I am still struggling with the implications for my Goa trip with DB, as Deepa and L ask me fundamental questions - if your mindspace could be taken over, maybe it wasn't occupied? if you haven't moved on, can he?.
Coincidentally, it was L who had acted as the catalyst for my change of heart in 2006 too. Anyway, so there I was in Goa, striking a much delayed conversation with DB, causing and feeling some awkwardness, some pain and some relief. I came back in tears.
And then two stories unfolded. Mine has no middle and no end, and is more a rollercoaster ride than a journey. His was a conscious saga, of reflection and sanity, and possibly peace too. Borne of pain, it is nevertheless a positive step.
I didn't know his story of course. Till today. The long chat, the news of his impending marriage. I shared my thoughts, my questions, my concerns, my genuine wishes. I know what he was waiting for. My feelings. But, like the last few years, I stayed quiet. I really don't know what I feel.
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