Disgruntled with work, disappointed with myself, upset with a best friend, irritable with my partner...this is certainly a new kind of low for me.
It's not as if I remain perpetually pouting. Today I went out for shopping and lunch with Smita and had a nice time. In the evening will meet Sonali for dinner and share some gossip over fine. I am also exercising regularly and hope to soon start reducing. And there's this thriller that I am reading that has me absolutely engrossed.....so anyway, daily life goes on.
But somewhere, I know that there are some things intrinsically wrong. I am not turned on by work nowdays; it keeps me occupied but my mindspace is empty. I am disgusted with the way I have dealt with the quality of life I have been afforded thanks to my role in the past 9 months. Yes, I got 3 months family team which was great. But what about the teaching? the social work? Or even gymming? And money??? 7 years into my career I dont have an investment plan and I have finally bought a miserable piece of land, the EMI for which doesn't even give me tax benefits. If I lose my job tomorrow, I will be on the streets. If I have an accident, I will have to starve.
I am not being overdramatic, just harsh. It's high time I was a little harsh with myself, looked myself carefully in the mirror and pointed a rude finger "Buddy, what the fuck is happening?".
It's usually my closest friends who act as this mirror to me. Just spending time with them is my reality check. One best friend is in US, one in Hyd, neither are the types who I can companionably chat or talk with long distance about inconsequential stuff. The third is here and has very little time and is now wrapped in some silly issues with himself that are now starting to get me and finally made me lose my temper (which I am not proud of, btw, and I DID say sorry, but didn't get a response...and anyway, that's another story)
So it's me. I have to clean myself up. And I will do so. I will update this blog in 2 months and take another cold, hard look at myself. Let's see.
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