I am so scared of being happy. Its as if I am this young, bitter child of the street who knows that the glimpse of luxury doesn't actually mean luxury, that the taste of happiness could be wiped away at one go by the cruel Gods who extract penance for unkn0wn sins I have committed in this or past life.
My fault, or "nadaani" as L would call it, has been that I have treated this fear of happiness logically. You are scared of water, you stay away from it. DOES NOT mean that if you fear happiness, you stay away from it. That's self destructive. And I am conscious that all of us, however "positive" or "optimistic" we may believe ourselves to be, have that self destructive streak in us.
I just hope that my fear doesn't destroy me.
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