The re occurence of the old nightmare has against infused a tension into me that will not go away easily. As usual, it is not the event itself but the sense of helplessness and the lack of solution that causes the tension.
I know I have said this before and I will probably say this a thousand times till I die, but there's nothing more painful to me than the suffering of loved ones. This reminds of something that I read yesterday - it is the strong who suffer the most. To my shock, I realise this is one of the truest statements I have ever come across in all senses.
I dont know if its my disgusting (hallucinatory) positivity or the reality that life is beautiful (!), but I continue to be glad about the fact that for all these tensions, I have ways and means of dealing with it as well, whether it be my own common sense or the affection of loved ones.
That still doesnt take away the gut wrenching pain I feel when I know a loved one has slept with a disturbed mind....or is spending the day in a haze of suffering....and I stand by the side.
How am I going get out of this cycle and whether its in me to even try to do this, I dont know. For now, I live with it.
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