I remember commenting to someone recently that I spend most of my time either looking behind or looking ahead. Even the demons that haunt us are relics of the past or fears into the future.
On my weekend trip to Chennai (side note - one of the most "fun" weekends I have had), I was again struck by an idea when going through Dakshin Chitra. And then struck by another thought - I am struck by an idea practically every second day nowdays! Is my subconscious trying to send me a message here??!! Well, it is true that I am getting tired of this kind of environment...I still love my work, but this large building-modular furniture-crisp language-excel sheet-power point life is getting to me. Have been tossing around ideas in my head for quite some time, but the thought of translating them into action is coming into serious play now. But that requires a lot of work - planning and prep for the idea itself combined with building financial security (which as of now is ZERO). More importantly, it demands a slight recklessness of the spirit and a push out of the current state of inertia. I think thats going to come soon (it has to come, it cant be "developed" much as my HR mind would like to believe so..)
Today I came across an old diary that I occasionally maintained. Despite knowing the consequences, I couldn't resist re-reading the sprawling scrawl that marked my transition to adulthood. There was anguish over the pain of loved ones, and a humorous look at my own; a need to dissect relationships and the desire to ignore practical worries; flights of fancy followed by ground reality checks; consistent obsession with people and the true nature of emotions and a disregard for the fashionable conversation points of the day.
I went through the expected routine of ripping up old wounds and examining reality as I understood it then and now. And I arrived at the cliche that always supports me in ambiguous times - the more things change, the more they remain the same.
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