Irritants and learning and despondency and love

Its been some time since previous post...actually its just been 5 days, but feels like much more.
The irritants remain the same as they were last week....in fact, they hv increased in intensity causing further increase (imaginary) in BP etc...!

Am tied up, bored, restless, sleepy ...all at the same time.

Actually, its all a "learning experience"....as time goes by, its interesting to learn things abt oneself....i quite surprise myself sometimes. My first surprise was when i joined polaris, and realised that my inclination was to processes n systems, rather than designs n models as I had believed earlier.
Another surprise is when I am here, and realise that I value the "sense of ownership" in an Indian co., rather than the distanced, matter of fact approach of an MNC....a person being a decent character is as important to me as his level of competence as a professional.

Parish would have got married yesterday. Its such a strange feeling..to be so removed from the life of a person that you were once so involved with. I know I have mentioned this before, and I know I will mention this again, because this will keep happening - relationships will come and go, leaving me enriched n battered.

Nostalgia hit big time again 2 days ago, when a new video - shubha mudgal's kisson ki chadar - caught the eye.
I often project myself 20-30 years from now and think abt the kind of nostalgia I wl go thro then - the wealth of memories that I wl have to draw on - the roller coater ride my emotions will take me on.
This video was on a similar theme. Made me cry.

I sound like such a whiny sometimes!

Am still not feeling that settled in Acn. One, though I am an HR rep, the feeling of "being responsible" for people is not there...after all, how many can look after a bunch of 70 ppl?! tina is already there...and she;s sweet, but also a little wary of me, and i dont want to increase her wariness by being too assertive etc....otherwise, 2 prjs on my table...both interesting in theory but slightly irritation in action.
The exposure I am getting is excellent, no doubt...first hand understanding of sophisticated systems being used globally, a hard working;"achievement oriented" workforce with xcellent commn skills; being part of initiatives being set up fr scratch.
Hence, hv sternly told myself (i always have to talk to myself sternly, nobody else does so!) that i wont think too much...wl take it day by day and put in my best efforts...wl reevaluate after some time - kya paya, kya khoya....

I want to party too!! Just dance n drink a little n be with people I genuinely like....i repeat this statement every few months and it makes me sound like such a maladjusted person...! But I am not! I am quite sociable, and mix with different types of people....its just that there;s an inner me that often craves for things just perfect, just so.
that craving for perfection drives me, but doesnt spoil my present. ( or at least it doesnt most of the time..!)

I need....want (whatever!)...an ice cream. Shall have one today. Yippee.