Snapshots

The mind does not rest. Scared to be alone, it immerses itself in long dinners conducted over numerous drinks, vicarious laughter. Loud conversations soaked in gossip, carefully avoiding a touch of the personal. Silly jokes, long drives, the smell of smoke, the frustrations of others.

Blackness lurks. Life goes on as usual.

Talented Mr. Ripley. One of my favorite movies, turns out that its adapted from a book. And as I read the book, I am awestruck. Not just by the clear, engrossing flow of the story, by the sharp, unemotional dissection of the characters....but by the sheer magic (or so it seems) by which the book got faithfully recreated on film. Either the book is superlative or Matt Damon, Jude Law are brilliant actors. Probably a bit of both.

Mindless data entry on the Satruday. Very inappropriate. Very soothing. The pleasure of actually completing a bit of work and seeing the effort translated into filled up data fields.

Warm Sunday afternoon. For once, I don't shy away from the sun. I let it fall on my face, body, warming me, bringing back memories.....sweat - drenched summers in Delhi, the slap of the hot dusty wind when you move it, the sudden relief of the coling airconditioner.....warm, endless summer holidays in Bangalore, "chilling out" with Darshan, English movies on VCR, Hindi movies in stuffy theatres....

Lord of the Rings. The few human touches in the middle of the overwhelming adventure strike the right (wrong?) note. Lump in the throat....thoughts of Mummy, Nanima, Unni....memories take over. So does imagination. The lurking blackness envelops me in an unsuspecting, unexpected moment.

And its back to office. I want to get up and go. Can't. Won't. Even if I make my cv right now and circulate it tomorrow, it will be at least 2 months before I can be out of here. That means the nightmares ahead look unavoidable. At least, they will keep the mind occupied. Disgusting optimist.

And of course, as I sit at 12 pm typing this, people around me look at me strangely. What the fuck is this guy upto? After all, what does he do??

I wonder.