Grey...defines my internal state of mind and soul....defines the environment.....for the past 2 weeks (since my prev post).
That sharp surge of thought and emotion remained that - a surge. With no sustenance.
Basically, I got upset again, and thought to myself - "what the hell am I letting myself in for"? So went into a grey mood.
Mood further dampened after I heard of Nanaji's death and the details of the events 2/3 days after it. Such a long, rich, full life and such an undignified, sad exit. That lovely house filled with artifacts, mementos from all over the world; filled with bundles of "things" - clothes, equipment; filled with so so so many warm memories - the house now ransacked by greedy, insensitive nephews n nieces, the items that now grace the rooms of unpleasant wimps, or have been thrown off as useless.
Breaks my heart. And brings back memories, memories kept in that dark corner of the mind. Brings to the fore fears, fears best relegated to the corner of the heart.
Can I share with this anyone? These low, dark moments? I can - with the same people who I am running away from.
QED - I am grey.
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